The Talk

When is the perfect time to have "the talk"? I would think it's good to have "the talk" multiple times throughout the courtship and/relationship. I actually got this idea from a guy that I dated briefly, we were embarking on 3 months of dating and he wanted to evaluate the relationship. Lucky for us both, that evaluation saved us a lot of time and heart break because we decided that we didn't have the chemistry needed for what we both were looking for: a healthy relationship.

"The talk" is not something that puts pressure on a person but it helps both parties see whether or not the relationship is a waste of time. I promised myself from now on, I apply this method to whomever I am seeing for more than one reason. For one, I am not dating for fun--I am dating for keeps. For two, I want a family, I want to marry my best-friend. Therefore, it's very important to me that that both parties are on the same page.

I have notice that Mr. J is so caught up on--enjoying what we have and that's all good but let us not forget the future.....To be continued.

The Little Things #1

Me: “Maybe this is not good timing for us.” 

Him: “This is actually perfect timing.”

Me: (Heart smiling)

“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.”---Unknown

The Case of the Ex

Here is some back story on Mr. J and a reflection of our first "real" date.

Disclaimer: To Maintain The Privacy of All Parties Involved--Names Will Be Altered.

Seeing this wasn't the first date but it the first "real" date that Mr. J and I been on, I was very comfortable around him and it was clear that I enjoyed his company.We went to this nice seafood restaurant near the city, since we both have a love for oysters we decided to meet up after work. I am proud to say that the date started off very well. He ordered for me (I think that's sexy because we already discussed what I wanted) and we ALWAYS have great conversation. So as the night we on--we continued to eat, drink and talk. Before we both realized, it was 11:30pm and we met at 7:15pm. After he walked me to my car (southern gentleman) he asked if I wanted to come back to his house. Since I have been to his house a few times before, I did think nothing of it. So I ended up going to his house where the good date I was on, was crumbling before my brown eyes!

Now I am all for honesty so we had a impromptu honesty hour and it was rather intense, to say the least. I was able to share something with him and he shared some things with me--some important details. LIKE HE IS STILL KICKING IT WITH HIS EX.

Let's rewind for a second: Before finally deciding to go out with Mr. J, I had met him twice before. And they say three time's a charm, right? Well that's what I was hoping for too! But the first time in 2010 I met him at a local hangout in the city and he told me he had a girlfriend. At least he was honest, but I didn't entertain him. I am person who don't like to date men who are married or have girlfriends--that's just me. Karma is a trick and will come back for you. With that being said every time I ran into him--I asked him about his girlfriend. But the third time--Mr. J told me that he was single. Now he didn't lie--but he could have added that he is NOT OVER his ex.

Back to present day, I don't like to date men who have the CASE OF THE EX. I mean we have all been there, believe you-me I know what it is like and it's NO FUN! It can also prevent you from what the future holds. Anywho, last night it came out that Mr. J still had feeling for his ex. This really changed the dynamics of our situation because I was literally--mentally done with him. However, he didn't want to be done with me. But I see it like this, Mr. J wanted to have his cake and eat it too!

Peep the scenario: He has his ex--who he is comfortable with and they have history. Then he has me: "New-New" who he has great conversation with, great chemistry and plus it's new. So what's a girl to do? Drop his ass like a hot potato? Or Take things slow and risk him going back to where his heart is?

Don't get it twisted, I like Mr. J and he is definitely a keeper thus far! Oh it doesn't hurt that he's a looker too! Just a good man with a MESSED up situation. Hopefully I will be able to make some type of decision regarding what I am going to do but for now I am going to sit back and enjoy the ride , oh and his company!!

The Missing Piece

Picnics are something that I love to have with people that I truly like. The concept of being in a peaceful place where you can marvel over one another and learn about each others likes and dislike is such a beautiful thing.

Mr. J and I went on a picnic, while it was beautiful something was missing. Before I go any further I must say--I really like Mr. J but I wouldn't mind being exclusive with him. **Gasp** Yes, I am admitting this but I have chosen to accept our relationship of uncommitted courtship until "HE" is ready to move forward.

Now this IS the story of my life--being ready to move forward while the guy is simply enjoying the perks of having a girlfriend without the title. Am I allowing the cycle to continue? And how do I break it? I know what I want but not quite sure how to obtain or maintain it for that matter.

So as we ate our picnic snacks-all I could do was look at the sky and wonder how long is it going to take this man to see we are "two of a kind;"--maybe six months, hell maybe even a year. Am I willing to play the uncommitted courtship game for that long? That is the question I must ask myself while I am on the journey, before I let another four years of my life pass me by......

A Change Has Come.........

"We need to have bi-weekly lunches because your life is always changing". That is what a long time friend recently said to me and she was absolutely correct. The man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with is no longer in the picture and I am living my life as a single female; and I am happy about it.

Here's a brief update:

I brought a house. I got a dog. I ended a 4 year plus relationship. I finished grad school. I dated a few losers. I lost a best friend (no she is not dead). I gained a few great friends. Gained many associates. Found a great guy, who I am currently dating and we are in a uncommitted courtship.

So there you have it, my life is ever changing and so is my blog. While my life will and always be considered a Chaotic Bliss--I would like to blog more about my love life or there lack of. So without further ado, my new blog is entitled Uncommitted Courtship! Hope you enjoy!

"Life changes fast. Life changes in the instant. You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends."
-Joan Didion from The Year of Magical Thinking